i was looking for someone.

as a young (very young) child, i was convinced i had a twin sister ("jumelle", in french), that disappeared. i think her name was laura, or something like that, she looked exactly liked me except i alaways pictured her with a german shepherd dog (?) i was apparently convinced to see her in mirrors.

one day i had a dream, i think its literally the earliest one i had and still remember to this day. laura was in a burning house. all that was left of her after the fire was a picture of her and her dog.

after that i stopped pretending i had a twin sister.

i can maybe link this event and these reccuring dreams, where i desperately "search" for someone that i deeply care about. this being takes a different appearence each time but you get the idea: every time i wake up feeling deeply sad and convinced i lost someone that never even existed in this reality.

i was at a party; taking place somewhere that looked like a big supermarket parking, and then to a sort of fort (see "visions")wtih a lake underneath, and some streets looking like ███████████ the story goes as follow; a personne looking exactly like ████████████died. a dead-end street was decorated in her honor, with some sort of small wooden house and a memorial. i identified her as someone very precious to me, i was horrendly saddended.(and drunk) apparently someone else had passed; and i was also sad about that. nobody knew the cause of my friend's death , suicide or consequences of anorexia were suspected. at some point during the party (███████and████were present with me, there were a lot of people) i bumped into my high school bully, and asked her if she wanted to see my friend's grave. she left instanly because of the strangeness of my offer(lol). i think i recall a subplot with the party organizer being a megalomaniac with some evil plan to control the world and he... unleashed insects on us ??

i associate this dream with the jumelle principle :
a literature author (like Baudelaire , but more recent so very probably imaginary) had just died. some people were organizing a venue and sort of visit of his house to honor his memory. he had a lot of kids that all lived there; and i was getting jealous of them because-

-i think i wanted to be a part of a greater thing too, if that makes sense, i wanted to join a close group of people who where spoiled by life, i guess.
the visit was still going on and i remember some kind of subplot (again) where one of the kids got murdered the night before by some mysterious entity.

dream i had during a nap. i wope up in some kind of flat residency where an unknown man and his sister and parents lived. he acted like we've known each other for years and that we were actually lovers.. i was confused as i had no idea who he was. i remember being terrified of his basement, that could be accessed via a spiral staircase. i ended up telling his sister i had no idea who they all were. he seemed like he deeply cared about me and that's all i can really get from this dream.

-i was embodying myself , or another woman , not clear. an older man who was an important figure (writer or artist even maybe working in politics) became passionate about me. we slept together and it was amazing. some kind of romance started to grow and we were thinking about getting married. in my dream, he became more handsome and radiant. but because of his status he didn’t want to present me publicly, afraid that people would hate me, target me-

( or judge us because of the age difference?).
eventually, it leaked out anyway and we were seen together.
the next day, there was a big political event involving exchanges with other countries that he had to attend. i think he was about to make an announcement to introduce me. at some point during the ceremony, i was kidnapped by one of the invited countries. i was imprisoned and forced to conceive children for that country. i had to have sexual relations until I became pregnant and then raise the child until a certain age. the dream resumed after a time jump of several years (5-7 years). i had finished raising my daughter and was finally released; i tried to find the man I was in love with, but couldn’t and was afraid he had moved on after my disappearance.