my sister was being petty with me and they were allowing it. i got so mad it was becoming unbearable and i thought it was a really stupid idea to try to reconnect with those people.
these are some of the dreams i have the most; behind close doors, close family, feeling like i'm being pushed into the most frantic madness state i'm capable of producing with some really nasty reactions or phrases. they often end with some physical violence use from my side : one time i smashed every furniture with a bat; another time i violently pushed my mother on the floor.
painful ones; but a more acceptable category compared to those about anterior relashionships; people i know since the beginning of my existence and who basically build me as their image are more legitimate to appear than someone i shared a couple of years with and half a bed.
iterations:
-i was in the psych ward. i was having an argument with my mother; she absolutely wanted me committed (kinda rough yea) i was doing everything i could to get out but everyone kept telling me i wasn't able to in my state.
some time passed and i was eventually discharged for a bit; i went to Leclerc (basically Walmart)...and bumped into my mom. she was furious i got out . i tried to convince her to let me out completely but it wasn't working.
i can observe the same pattern of total incomprehension in communication, psychophobia, and most generally enormous fear.
- i was in an almost empty toy store with my sister and dad, trying to find old dolls i might like. when we got back to... whatever place we were inhabiting, my dad and mom were making fun of me. at first it was nothing too serious but they refused to stop when i asked them multiple times.
the dream ended on me locking the door to my "room", which my parents insisted on letting open , while just standing there with a look i-
-know quite well, the "your reaction is uncalled for" "you are overreacting again" look , that still hurts and terrifies me to this day.
-i was working at ██████████ as a cleaning person. the students were looking down on me because i didn’t have the same status nor the same codes as them, i was very sad about it.
but i had a lot of pets there! there was hélène et many more cats including a grey girl that could talk and that i especially liked (i think there was something about her having an human soul idk) , and other animals like squirrels i think ?
at some point there was a fire, or a tsunami ? but i was… happy about it ?
however many of my pets had gone missing, i was mainly trying to find hélène, since apparently even in my dream i guess i realized she was more real than the others.
then….. i don’t know what kind of feeling was coming but i found myself in my old run-down apartment, as the one i was living in now has just been a fantasy.
i didn’t understand what was going on , plus i didn’t have any of my belongings,the whole place was empty. i tried to get back my most important-
things : laptop, bed… i remember that near the end b iecame self-aware that this state of confusion wasn’t real and desperately waited for it to go away, while being terrified by the small chance that it actually was happening.
i’m associating this dream to this category because its essentially based on losing my home and temporal perception instability/ mysterious mental condition.
-i regained consciousness beside █████ (some sort of boyfriend from my teenage years) i was at his « parents » ( since the house looked more like blank parents’ house) i remember that before my « awakening » i was acting sweet and affectionate toward him which I absolutely didn’t feel like doing anymore.
i began trying to escape this situation by distancing myself, pretending to go grocery shopping or walking the parent’s dog (a small bulldog).
i wandered near a river and found a small passage leading into the forest; however i was scared that the dog would drown lol.
i came across a clearing with a large house that had been completely consumed by flames.
intrigued , i still decided to go back as i was scared █████ would realize what was happening and become confused (i think there was some kind of reason why i just couldn’t leave like that, so i prefered to play along until my scheduled return date)
that same evening, we were going to some sort of soup kitchen with a lot of kids, when suddenly the dream took a completely different turn. i was now playing another entirely different role: i had become some kind of secret agent who, along with a companion, was trying to expose the village’s cult-like practices. we both strongly resembled characters from the game millie megavolte.
a new concept then appears in my dreams: the deus ex machina.
i become aware that i am in a dream, and don’t hesitate to replay my actions if they don’t produce the desired outcome.
for example, there was a scene where we had to infiltrate a small shop(probably to steal something) and escape through the bathroom window. the first time i didn’t manage to do it in time; so I replayed the action several times until everything unfolded smoothly. at the end, we reached the highest point -
-of the town (in my mind it was a tobacco shop even though it looked more like an empty lot??)
there were slide-shaped structures scattered around. i climbed one of them, and that’s when we somehow « warded off » the village’s curse .
