dinner with my parents.

my sister was being petty with me and they were allowing it. i got so mad it was becoming unbearable and i thought it was a really stupid idea to try to reconnect with those people.

these are some of the dreams i have the most; behind close doors, close family, feeling like i'm being pushed into the most frantic madness state i'm capable of producing with some really nasty reactions or phrases. they often end with some physical violence use from my side : one time i smashed every furniture with a bat; another time i violently pushed my mother on the floor.

painful ones; but a more acceptable category compared to those about anterior relashionships; people i know since the beginning of my existence and who basically build me as their image are more legitimate to appear than someone i shared a couple of years with and half a bed.

iterations:

-i was in the psych ward.
i was having an argument with my mother; she absolutely wanted me committed (kinda rough yea) i was doing everything i could to get out but everyone kept telling me i wasn't able to in my state. some time passed and i was eventually discharged for a bit; i went to Leclerc (basically Walmart)...and bumped into my mom. she was furious i got out . i tried to convince her to let me out completely but it wasn't working.

i can observe the same pattern of total incomprehension in communication, psychophobia, and most generally enormous fear.

- i was in an almost empty toy store with my sister and dad, trying to find old dolls i might like. when we got back to... whatever place we were inhabiting, my dad and mom were making fun of me. at first it was nothing too serious but they refused to stop when i asked them multiple times. the dream ended on me locking the door to my "room", which my parents insisted on letting open , while just standing there with a look i-

-know quite well, the "your reaction is uncalled for" "you are overreacting again" look , that still hurts and terrifies me to this day.